Guiding Values
“When we honor our values and the choices we make in our lives, we feel an internal ‘rightness’”
I never gave much consideration to what it was I valued when I was a long-term tippler. Not that alcohol was the sole reason for my lack of introspection; I had never explored my values in the first place. If pressed on the issue, I wouldn’t have even known what “values” really meant.
Today, I would like to explore the concept of values by determining what they are, why they are essential, and how to find yours.
Defining Values.
Let’s start with what I mean by ‘values.’
The authors of the book Co-Active Coaching do an excellent job of describing what values are and are not. So, instead of me fumbling for the words, I feel it best to use their well-stated description with this abridged quote from the book:
“Values are not morals…[they] are not about moral character or ethical behavior. Values are not principles either, like self-government or standards of behavior… Values are intangible. They are not something we do or have… Values are the qualities of a life lived fully from the inside out.” (pg.142-143)
The Value of Values.
Our values, whether conscious of them or not, determine our choices and actions daily. Values are like a map of our inner world that shows us and everyone else our driving motivations.
When we don’t act in harmony with them, tension arises, causing all sorts of dissonance; be it physical, mental, or emotional. By establishing our values and keeping our actions in accord with those values, we can access that “internal rightness.”
Examples of Values.
“Alright, this is kind of making sense, but what are some actual examples of values that can help me wrap my mind around this idea?”
That’s a great question, and I will, again, let the authors of Co-Active Coaching give an example with this brief quote:
“Money…is not a value, although money as a source could lead to honoring values such as fun, creativity, achievement, peace of mind, and service to others.”
Personal Values.
Determining our values might take some digging. Asking ourselves what is and is not important to us is a good trailhead from which to start.
Write down and rate your values. Be honest with yourself and see if your actions reflect and honor each value. If not, there is no need to judge yourself; instead, use it as a guidepost to go further and see what is blocking the way.
Continuing on.
Our values are not static. They change as we change. Your values as a ten-year-old were different from when you were twenty. Your values before you had children changed when you became a parent.
Shifting values is the topic we will explore deeper in next week’s article. I hope you will join me!
