A Sober Look at 40.
“Life really does begin at forty. Up until then, you are just doing research.”
Forty…
I am at its threshold…
Will I leap through? Step through? Stumble through?
Either way, time to embark!
Eyes forward, Lads! Chin up! Ever onwards, ever upwards…
Forty marks a psychological and spiritual hinge point. Throughout world religions, forty represents and foretells transition, transformation, and becoming.
That bit of knowledge alone puts things into focus and eases the tension in my psyche because up until recently, I have felt like I spent forty years wandering in the desert.
I have fucked up big time. I have hurt people who did not deserve it. I have relentlessly pursued pleasure, being reckless and selfish in the attempt.
I have been arrogant and dismissive toward the plight of others. I have missed amazing opportunities and been too fearful of stepping up and taking responsibility.
Conversely, I have amassed many experiences, forged amazing friendships, acquired skills, traveled the country, and expanded my worldview. I have loved and been loved.
Most of my twenties and thirties were spent shunning societal views about money, marriage, careers, and family. For so long, I was adamant about the things with which I didn’t align.
Upon reaching mid-life, Jung says, “One’s previous inclinations and interests begin to weaken, and others take their place.”
I am starting to see what he meant because I now want to focus on the things with which I do align: Purpose, meaning, community, connection, and service. These are the values I will use as my dedicated heading to move towards.
It took leaving alcohol in the rearview and forty on the horizon to see my values, principles, beliefs, and assumptions about the world shift. I now get the opportunity to examine and replace my core foundation.
I now have compassion for that confused, dissociated, afraid, hurt version of me. That version, who for so long, found safety in alcohol and used it to cope with inner turmoil and repressed parts.
I can honor the good and bad I have experienced in my ‘research.’ I take those experiences with me as I climb the threshold of Forty. I will embrace the lessons and obstacles that lie ahead with a focused mind, clear heart, and grateful spirit.
