10 Tips for the Socially Anxious to Navigate Parties: Part 1

The fancy function I attended.

Getting out and about hasn’t been my style for a long time. I have consciously or unconsciously situated myself in remote places of this country to live and work. So when I was recently encouraged to go to a big, fancy gala my immediate reaction was no.

These kinds of things do not come easy to me, at least they haven’t for a long time. I got online to look at photos of the past years and I am not ashamed to admit how it changed my physiology. I got a huge knot in my stomach, my throat started to tighten up and I felt my body crouch into a defensive posture. Just by looking at photos, my mind sent my body into a high alert situation like there was an actual threat.  There wasn’t of course, I was in my room in one of the safest places I could be.

I say all of this, so you know that I sometimes struggle with large crowds of strangers. Perhaps through a lack of practice and exposure I have developed a bit of social anxiety. I wanted to give some assistance, through my own experience, to those who might have the same issues.

 In last week’s post I went over 6 tactics that can help those of us who are alcohol free thrive in the holiday social scene. This week I want to continue along the same vein and go just a little deeper not only for the non-drinkers but also for those of us who are introverted and/or might have some social anxiety about these types of gatherings.

The five tips that will be covered in this post will be about your pre-event planning. These are the tactics you can focus on before you even show up that will help you get into a more confident frame of mind. Some of them take a bit of time so keep that in mind as you go about your day.

In next week’s post I will dive into the last five tips and tactics to help once you arrive to the event or gathering. Whether you intend to drink or not these tips can still be very useful.

1) Take the Stage.

Channeling my inner Jagger many years ago on the Last Frontier.

Have you been identifying with a certain belief for so long, such as “I am an introvert, or I am a homebody,” that you believe it is all you are? I know that I can get into a myopic view of myself and forget about the wild and animated parts of my personality within. Truth is we have a myriad of personalities and characters within us. You can tap into the ones that can handle the situation and also enjoy it.

If you need help in tapping into that kind of stuff, you could go to YouTube and watch clips of people who exhibit such traits. Maybe watch clips of Mic Jagger in concert or Ric Flair in the ring. They alone aren’t the sole possessors of that energy. It’s archetypal and can be tapped into by you and me.

For example, a lodge I worked at in Alaska that had a companywide, preseason costume party and dance competition every year. I got my mindset right and decided to channel Mic Jagger as my avatar. I had a blast using whatever energy that is and I won that dance competition because of that! It was a wild and interesting evening and I learned a valuable lesson about channeling and using these archetypal energies.

2) Go for a Stroll.

Take a walk to clear your mind. It is a great way to shake off the cobwebs and address the naysaying parts of you that don’t not want to attend said function. One thing you can use the walk for is to ask what it is you are afraid of or are not looking forward to. Let the answer come about naturally and keep going deeper into the answers as you stroll along. Use this time to work through your own self-doubt.

Make the walk as long as it needs to be. Before my big event I took a stroll through the woods. Upon returning home I realized I still had a couple of things that I hadn’t worked through, so I turned around and kept walking. I took deep breathes and continued to honestly examine with curiosity what I was avoiding.  I am so glad I did that because I felt much lighter afterward.

3) Envisioning.

I love this technique and it is one of those that will take a little time to implement so plan accordingly. I touched on this a little in last week’s post, but I wanted to take a deeper dive here. Do this in whatever fashion you feel comfortable. The point is to put yourself in a good mental space by projecting yourself through the entire evening.

Relax and see yourself through your own eyes. It’s important to note you should imagine looking through your own eyes and not like you are viewing yourself third person. See and feel yourself going through the entire event from leaving your house, parking, entering, moving through the room, and talking to people. Feel yourself as a happy and confident person graciously enjoying yourself and others. Do this before you even begin to get showered and dressed.

Really dive into the feelings as you think about each moment of the evening. Your subconscious mind is a world of emotion, and we can help lock it into our conscious reality through envisioning. This will prime your mind and body and help facilitate a more kickass experience for you. By using this technique coupled with strong feelings, the subconscious can’t tell the difference between the imagined or real event. Remember how I said my body reacted just looking at the photos of the event from years past? I might as well had been there.

4) Make a Playlist.

Some of my grooves just for the occasion.

Music has a lot of power over us. It’s amazing how certain chords and notes played at certain intervals have the ability to make us feel elated, sad, joyful or bring us to tears.

Now more than ever it is easier to harness the power of music. Get on Spotify and find what gets you excited and upbeat. My playlist has funk, Latin jams, oldies and more. Make one that is specifically for the event you are going to and listen to it as you get ready. Compile a list of songs that you love to sing along to and that get you to shakin’ your moneymaker!

Make sure you have enough music to get you to the event. My playlist was an hour and a half long. I started it before I got in the shower and played it all the way to the valet stand at the event- see, I told you it was a fancy shindig! It did wonders for my outlook and mindset at the time, and I am so happy that I had some tasty jams blasting on the speaker.

5) Put on Your Armor.

I was diggin’ my armor.

The clothes make the man or woman. You will notice a difference in your mental state when wearing mystery-stained sweatpants and a baggy t-shirt with holes vs a smart fitting shirt, tie, and coat. Something to ask might be: Do the clothes you are wearing feel empowering or is it more an obligation to wear them?

I heard Guy Ritchie in an interview talking about his idea of the suit. In this clip he is talking about much deeper subjects like the essence of storytelling and the spiritual progression of man. For the sake of this article, though, I will keep it a bit more superficial in regard to the clothes you wear and how you chose to present yourself at social gatherings.

For him it is about owning the suit, in the sense of making it yours. Much like putting on a suit of armor and going out into the world. He says that the businessman literalized the suit and didn’t realize that he is putting on a suit of armor, something spectacular. Ritchie states that we just do it for convention or for others and not for ourselves. That goes back to owning it.

As Ritchie said, the trick is you must want to look sharp and enjoy the clothes that you are wearing. I hadn’t worn a tie in probably a decade or gone shopping for nice clothes in probably two decades. I was dreading it at first but then a I got into the process and had fun with it. I wanted to look good, I tried on a couple of things before I found what spoke to me. I felt good and looked damn good which made a huge difference in my mindset before I ever left the house.

Conclusion

This does it for the pre-event mindset work. Next week we will go into the last 5 tactics and these will deal with actually being at the event.

I hope this has opened you up to some new ways of navigating social situations. If you employ one or all these techniques, I believe you will see a marked benefit in your approach to the event.

Remember that Reality will rush to meet your expectations. So, how all this will go depends on the story you decide to tell yourself before you ever step out the door. Own it!