“Do You Mind if I Have a Drink?”
No, I don’t.
Thank you for coming to my TED talk; travel safely…
But seriously. I love and respect the intent behind that question. It shows thoughtfulness and concern for us non-drinkers that I sincerely appreciate.
I want to share my personal perspective specifically with those who drink and have someone in their life who has quit. Hopefully, what follows will help put you at ease when you are in the company of a friend, like me, who has stopped drinking.
You might face a bit of awkwardness when hanging out with me. Maybe you do not know how to speak to me, think you can’t drink around me or feel that I am judging you. I get it; I had the same issues with abstainers when I was drinking.
First off, if you are curious about my journey or mindset toward alcohol, it’s cool. Ask what is on your mind, and let’s have a real conversation. I am happy to discuss it; who knows, it could deepen our friendship and help us grow.
I feel it is imperative that you understand this next point: I am not secretly jealous of you, nor do I judge you because you are imbibing. I want you to live your life and if that includes having a drink, go for it.
If I hang out with you while you have a drink, it is because I enjoy your company, and I want to be there. Please don’t feel you have to abstain simply because I no longer drink.
I won’t ask that you go out of your way for me like that. It would be like a vegan deciding to attend a Cajun boucherie and getting upset because no one provided a meat substitute for them. I feel like that level of entitlement is unearned and unfair to impose on you.
I do not want to seem like a burden you need to concern yourself with when we spend time together. I promise, during our hang-out sesh, I won’t be huddled in a corner trying to hold back the craving for booze.
Contrary to media portrayal, many sober people are not constantly teetering between abstinence and utter debauchery. Some of us are liberated from the grip of alcohol, and it no longer has a hold on our minds.
“We are all just walking each other home.”
If a person in your life has decided to quit drinking, don’t make it weird.
Listen to them if they want to talk and encourage them when they seek it. Just be their friend like you have always been.
A final note to those struggling with drinking:
I realize what I have written here is my personal experience. If you are triggered or uncomfortable being around people and events where alcohol is flowing, then don’t go. Everyone’s road to recovery is different, and there is no judgment as to how you go about it. Continue to work on yourself and take the next proper steps. You have all the time you need.
P.S.
If you feel that getting coaching around reducing alcohol’s role in your life is right for you, I would be happy to offer you a free 30-minute call. You can schedule a time that works for you by clicking here. Let’s get started making alcohol an insignificant part of your life!
