Devil on the Shoulder
Those of us who grew up in the buckle of the Bible Belt tend to view the devil as an outside entity wreaking havoc in our lives. At best, he is a sly, manipulative trickster; at worse, a tormenting horror.
Relationships with this force seem adversarial— a constant fight. The struggles of this combative connection become magnified when we try to change old behavior patterns like quitting alcohol.
The devil tries to tempt us, to throw us off our straight and narrow path. But, why is this “devil” so hell-bent (pun intended) on doing this? Could we look at this relationship another way?
I want to explore what it would mean to reframe our view of the “devil” from an adversary to an advisor. Let’s see if we can better understand this relationship and develop it into something beneficial to us.
A Source of Conflict.
Let’s understand why the devil is in this role in the first place.
Cognitive dissonance is a source of our tension. We are still holding onto unresolved subconscious beliefs that alcohol is beneficial to us. We know we want to stop drinking (the angel), but we can’t, and the task seems impossible (the devil).
Even though we logically know the harm and misery caused by alcohol, our devil has found it to be an effective and readily available means to cope. It will use all its tricks to get us to drink including cravings, trickery, beratement, self-doubt, and self-pity.
Adversary to Advisor.
Going from an adversary to an advisor means redefining our relationship. Our devil is not an outside force beyond our control but a part of ourselves. It is pointing to areas in our lives we need to investigate, such as unexamined thoughts or mindless habits.
What if we see this “devil” as an ally invested in our well-being who genuinely wants the best for us? Yes, the way it helps is by getting us to pour booze down our throats, but it has yet to realize that we no longer wish to travel that path.
Once we understand its concerns and motives we can begin to get it on board with our new journey. Instead of fighting it, we can dance with it. Instead of shutting it out, we can heed its words. We can begin to form a new relationship and give it a new role.
Form a Relationship.
Have a conversation with it just like you would with a flesh and blood person. Curiosity and an open heart will go a long way in forming a beneficial connection. Begin a dialogue with the intention of understanding its purpose. Give recognition of its worth and appreciate how well it has done its job.
Here are some questions to guide the conversation:
Do I recognize and value this part of me?
Am I willing to see it as a part of me in distress?
What vital information does it hold that would help me reach my new goal if I earnestly listen to it?
Next, let’s quit calling it a devil. Remove the negative connotation and consciously choose different words to label it. Once you have examined it and understand why it is there, give it a name.
Get creative and describe what it looks like and its mannerisms. The act of naming and describing it provides the aspect with a form, takes away much of its power, and gives you control over it. Our companion can then take its place as an advisor and an ally.
P.S.
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