Willpower vs. Alcohol

Me using only my willpower to quit drinking.

I don’t know how many times I had sworn off alcohol. There were so many attempts and failures that I eventually believed it couldn’t happen for me.

I would promise myself a period of abstinence from alcohol, say, during Sober October. Sometimes I made it, most times I didn’t. Eventually, just making it through a day without drinking seemed beyond me.

I lost count of how many times those promises to myself fell through. Just going one day became more than my willpower could handle. I had lost trust in myself, and I felt like a failure.

Whether it was a month, a week, or a day my willpower always wore down. That discouraged me, and I got very frustrated with myself. This frustration always led to me saying, “screw it!” and in those moments, my willpower would fail.  

I was trying to make a top-down approach. I was trying to muscle through an entire month or afternoon, and all I could do was obsess on the one thing I was trying not to do. I was miserable, angry, and ashamed in my efforts to quit solely through willpower. 

I was not learning anything about myself on a deeper level to bring about actual change. It wasn’t only the interminable hours I was fighting against but something more powerful that went far deeper than I knew at the time.

Willpower Ain’t Gonna Last.

It’s easy to feel like this only relying on willpower.

Here is the problem with willpower, it is a finite resource and does not last.

Willpower is using conscious mental effort to decide to start or stop doing something. All decisions are effort, and effort requires energy; energy that quickly gets used up.

Some have more willpower than others and are better at using it, just like a marathoner will outrun me. However, one thing that is certain for everyone is that your willpower will eventually run out- pun intended!

Think about the times in your life that you have tried to start or stop doing something through sheer willpower, whether it was alcohol, nicotine, exercise, or food. How long did these changes last? Were you miserable for most of the time?

Overuse of willpower often results in anger and frustration. What can happen in those emotional states can be like what happened to me. You get to thinking that you can’t do whatever you are trying to do and lose trust in yourself.  In the case of quitting alcohol, you can get the “f*ck it” attitude where you tell yourself, “I deserve a drink. Why not?” I know I did.

Bottom-Up

There is a much more effective route to take.

We all run out of energy and willpower eventually. The good news is that it is not the only answer.

Much of my frustration came from my conscious desire to quit slamming up against my ingrained unconscious belief that I needed alcohol which had formed over more than a decade of chronic drinking.

Our willpower is much weaker than our deeper unconscious belief system. Within those depths of the unconscious lie our habits, feelings, emotions, and thoughts that are firmly entrenched. This part of us believes that we need alcohol to feel better, cope with life, relax, and the list goes on. Unexamined habitual emotions will win out over logic and willpower.  They form neural pathways that go from ruts to ditches to canyons throughout the years.

Going Deep

This produces what is known as cognitive dissonance, where your conscious efforts are out of alignment with your unconscious beliefs. When there is that dissonance within, we have to address it head-on and be willing to question everything about these old beliefs and habits.

If I had refused to look at my unconscious conditioning, my views would not have changed.  This is why a bottom-up approach to change is complex and takes time.  It is also why creating new pathways and belief systems down in the unconscious is far more effective and lasting.

To make any significant change, I had to be willing to dive deep.

To do this, I had to look below the surface and explore those deep dark waters that are my unconscious beliefs, habits, and assumptions. I had to go to the root of the problems to reeducate and rewire the core of who I was.

I have changed profound habitual patterns and beliefs by participating in this process.  Through that change, alcohol and the emotions it produced became a tiny and insignificant thing in my life.

This sort of exploration ain’t always pretty. It was uncomfortable, at times, to sit with emotions and understand my habits, but, boy, was it worth it! I feel liberated and powerful knowing that I don’t have to rely solely on my willpower. I have a more powerful ally now that my unconscious emotions and habits are aligned with my conscious logical desires.

I invite you to step onto your path and venture into the profound chasms of your unconscious. So, do you think this is something you are ready for?

P.S.

Know that you can always reach out to me if you want to talk or have questions. If the idea of deeper self-exploration is of interest to you, then my free 7-day journaling course might be a good place for you to start.

You can always message me through Facebook or Instagram, or you can schedule a zoom meeting if you feel so inclined! All conversations will always be confidential and conducted to foster openness and exploration.

I look forward to hearing about your journey, and I wish you all the best!