Repairing Ruts in Our Lives.
Trying to fix one problem on a cold February morning, I accidentally created a different one for myself. My vehicle had a dead battery— the first problem. Thankfully, I was able to call on my good friend and neighbor to give me a boost.
I directed him to pull into the yard alongside my vehicle. The temperature had dipped well into the teens all night, so I thought the ground was frozen. It turns out it had the structural integrity akin to a wet cheesecloth. The earth began to tear apart as soon as his forty-five hundred pound truck rolled onto it.
My idea, which I thought was a good course of action moments before, was proven otherwise by immediate feedback. It was an honest mistake, but the rut-filled yard had now become my second problem.
That’s a "whoopsie.” Here I have begun to smooth over the ruts.
In hindsight, should I have known better? Maybe. Did I at that moment? No. Did I give my best at the moment? Yes, though it was laughably inefficient. It was just one of those mornings when my brain wasn't entirely operating at peak performance.
Getting frustrated in an instance like this is natural, so I allowed myself about 3 seconds to think, "Well, shit, that was stupid." However, what didn't happen, which surprised me, was my harsh inner critic telling me what a screw-up I was.
Instead of mercilessly berating myself I let the frustration flow and recede. I chose to view the ruts in the yard simply as an effect caused by a neutral circumstance. I didn't make it mean anything more than it was. In other words, I didn't overlay my own story or subjective meaning on top of the situation and freak out about it.
“The contemplative utility of the Zen garden includes focused care for every pebble and blade of grass.”- Eric Cunningham
It became my responsibility to repair the damage. I scrounged up a shovel and rake and bought two hundred pounds of sand. I then attempted my best impression of a Zen monk tending to his rock garden: using the tools I had and being mindful in the process of repairing the ruts.
When Spring has come, I will put seed and fertilizer on that patch of ground. This means that I will have to return when the situation allows for more optimal healing. I will do what I can in that moment and trust that the mindful action will be my best action.
Lookin’ better. The ruts are filled, smoothed, and raked over.
So, what the hell am I getting at?
Habits like chronic drinking, over-eating, excessive shopping, and so on create ruts in our lives and alter our mental landscape. With time and attention, we can understand the cause of these habits. We can take ownership and responsibility for them.
We can learn from our mistakes. We can have compassion for ourselves as we assess the feedback and data we get from them. We can be aware of the meaning we attach to that information and adjust accordingly without harsh self-judgment.
We can be mindful of the actions we take to create lasting change. We can be patient with ourselves because we understand that these areas of our life will require our attention again and again until it is healed.
