Internal Family Systems and Our Sober Journey

Written By Cole Harvey

A few weeks back, I wrote a post reframing the idea of the “devil on our shoulder” as a part of us that is actually trying to help. I want to get weird with it and expand on this idea further with a brief introduction to a branch of psychology called Internal Family Systems (IFS).

For those who are struggling in their journey to quit drinking, IFS can give us another vantage point from which to view our inner landscape.

Many Parts of a Whole.

IFS views our psyche like a family with many parts or subpersonalities that make up the entirety of who we are.

The main categories of these parts are the Self, Exiles, Managers, and Firefighters. They interact with one another; they have their own roles and methods of dealing with each other.

The all-encompassing whole would be the Self.  It is the ever-present part of us and has a high vantage point of the entire system. The Self would be similar to a company’s CEO.

Exiles are vulnerable parts that emerge from abuse, neglect, or trauma. They are seen as weak, fragile, and temperamental and are usually repressed or exiled because of this.

The managers may appear as controlling overthinkers. Their job is to avoid confrontation by keeping the exiles out of our conscious minds and blocking their access to the Self.

Exiles can be difficult to keep locked away.

If they break loose and seek the love and attention they naturally deserve, firefighters are activated. They are our emergency responders, and they operate on a high state of alert.

Firefighters are meant to quell the exile’s outburst with immediate action regardless of the overall long-term implications. Think drinking, binge eating, even cutting.

“Unbalanced systems, whether internal or external will tend to polarize.”
— Richard Schwartz, Originator of IFS

Tensions and breakdowns can occur between our parts. They can even “blend” with the Self and essentially act in its stead. For instance, a perpetually active firefighter can be overpowering with its method and become the dominant aperture through which we view ourselves. If left unchecked and unaddressed, its short-term solutions become damaging long-term habits.

IFS and Going Alcohol-Free.

When we stop drinking, we have to contend with the parts of ourselves that saw alcohol as an effective method to cope with our exiled parts. The parts of us that had been numbed by alcohol now have a chance to be heard as well. It can feel like many voices trying to get our attention all at once.

With practice, we can separate and listen to these parts.

We can discover who is speaking to us and what their purpose is.  We can assuage their worries and give them a new role that can benefit the entire family.

Viewing our inner world through the IFS lens allows us to see these different parts of ourselves as aspects that we created, that have a purpose, that have an agenda, and that ultimately are protecting us or trying to assist us.

Don’t Take My Word For It.

You don’t have to take this as Truth. In fact, I ask that you research it yourself and try it out. (I have included a small list of resources at the end of this post.) Personally, I have found this reframing of my inner world insightful and mind-expanding.

Next week, I will expand on how I view my subpersonalities as subjects of a kingdom. This framing makes a lot of sense to me and might give you another way to think about this idea.

Resources on IFS:


Cole Harvey
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