Order Up! My Time as a Cook: Part 2

Welcome back to the second course of this fun little dip into my time as a cook. This has been a nice exercise for me in not only recalling memories but also a deeper examination of why I was so drawn to this industry.  For this part I will talk about how I romanticized the culture of the kitchen and how I came to view it as an outlet for unexamined emotions. So, without further ado…

 The Meat Of It:

It seemed that, in a kitchen, I had found a refuge, a place to hole up.  Of course, being able to learn a valuable skill was part of it, and early on I really wanted to rise through the ranks of the culinary scene and work at top notch places for the best chefs. Even now, I watch a show like Chef’s Table and get a nostalgic longing for what might have been.  I can see now, at this remove, that alcohol was a big factor in my just remaining a mediocre line cook. It was hard for me to have much drive and creativity being hungover most days.

And enjoy I did…

There were darker reasons for being drawn to this kitchen culture that I didn’t admit to myself, or couldn’t even see. Much of it had to do with the wild lifestyle the reigned. It was romantic to me. I had been the good boy all my life but among the pirate-like brotherhood of the service industry, I found an outlet for inner turmoil, anger, and confusion. It was like getting pitched an offer such as: “Check it out! You get to work in a place with loud music, a lot of yelling, pretty girls, and intense yet borderline genius people. You will also get to create things, quickly solve problems, and you get to play with food and knives. Not to mention that most all the environments you work in will be sex, drug, and drinking heavy! So here are the keys to a wildly creative yet destructive world. Enjoy!”

What an enticing offer, eh? Particularly for someone like myself who was searching for something that he didn’t even know how to articulate. I was drawn aboard a pirate ship filled with a motely group of people who had a similar mindset and hopes of learning new things and exploring new places. With a bottle of rum in one hand and a chef’s knife in the other I set sail into a decades long journey amid chaotic kitchens, long days, and far too many boozy nights. 

Walking In…

Within the confines of the kitchen walls, I was letting the repressed parts of myself out to play. It was a place that was able to contain those darker aspects of myself, that encouraged them, and didn’t really care as long as I was good at my job. Since I had never explored my feelings and emotions nor was I aware that they didn’t have to control or define who I was, the kitchen became, at the very least, a pressure release valve.

Yep, that pretty much sums it up.

That is the thing about the service industry in general and kitchens in particular. They are a haven for the outcast, the misfits, the weirdos. The front of the house is a little different, they seem to have more on the ball, they are better dressed, and are at least adept in talking with ridiculously demanding strangers.  The folks I wanted to work with, however, were in the back of the house amid the fire, the noise, and the hellish heat. But don’t get me wrong I do love servers! [Full disclosure: In my last restaurant job I was a server! I was so tired of the kitchen by that point that I defected to the front of the house. Sacrilege and an unpardonable in the eyes of the demon-gods of the kitchen!]

 If there was a book or a memoir about a chef or the kitchen life, I would read it. Books like Devil in the Kitchen, Cooking Dirty, and of course Kitchen Confidential were akin to religious texts for me and further cemented in my mind that this was my chosen way of life. I dove deep into the life and persona of the hard working, hard drinking cook/chef. As I have said before, I romanticize the notion. The truth is, I was using its propensity for chaos and leniency for alcohol use as an excuse to indulge myself in those things. For me, it spelled trouble to get tangled up in such a story.

Second Course Out!

And the story continues, but we will wrap it up for now. So far, I feel like I have given you a bit of insight into my particular view of this life of a cook. Mine might not be the typical one, and there are probably a lot of cooks an chefs out there who have had a very different experience from me and who have their own unique perspective. If you are one of those good folks, then please share your stories with me and all the other ‘civilians’ out there.

For the final part of this post we will get a little into the culture that I experienced, it’s effect on me, and some of my thoughts about the industry now that I am a bit removed from it. Thank you for reading along and indulging me with my telling of this story. I will see you back here for the release of part three on Monday!